June 3, 2024
Journalist Petro debuts with an uneven exploration of shame that draws on her personal experience and interviews with women about their “self-conscious feelings and fears of inadequacy.” In 2010, Petro, who was then working as a teacher, came under fire from the New York City Department of Education for writing articles about having been a sex worker (she resigned in 2011). Using the “unrelenting humiliation” that followed as a springboard, she discusses how patriarchal society wields shame against girls and women. Among the topics covered are such conflicting messages as “be flirty, but not too flirty,” the stigmatization of sex work, and how the news media disempowers women with “deliberately irresponsible, undeniably wrong” coverage. As an example of the latter, she cites Amanda Knox, who was framed as a “character” in news stories about her 2007 murder trial and in movies “recreating how she might’ve committed the crime.” The second half of the book aims to teach women how to identify and overcome their shame. Unfortunately, Petro’s suggestions feel flimsy in the face of the structural issues she identifies, as when she encourages readers to “raise our own and each other’s critical awareness about the fact that” most household labor falls to women. While the interspersed bits of autobiography are vivid, the overall effect is unfocused. The result is an intriguing but undercooked analysis of a complex emotion. (Sept.)This review has been updated for clarity.
July 15, 2024
A memoir and guidebook about recovering from shame. Years ago, after her employer discovered that she used to work in the sex industry, Petro was demoted from her job as a teacher in the South Bronx. Petro, now a freelance writer, resigned amid "unrelenting humiliation." More recently, when her special-needs son was exiled from the public school system, she wrestled with shame and feeling "like a pariah." Loneliness often begets shame, Petro explains, which is why she repeatedly emphasizes the importance of connection. "Let's get our shame out there on the table," she writes, "and pick over its carcass, together." The author interweaves her personal story with revelations gleaned from interviews with "real women talking about their self-conscious feelings and fears of inadequacy"; a broad look at the cultural roots of woman shaming; and a multifaceted approach to personal and collective healing. "Recovery isn't a straight line," writes the author. "I think of recovery and shame resilience as synonymous. Both are a struggle to trust people in a world where people have proven themselves untrustworthy." Petro divides the book into two sections: "Identifying Shame" includes chapter headings such as "Perfect Monsters: How Society Weaponizes Shame Against Women," and "Overcoming Shame" contains chapters such as "First Comes (Self) Love: Putting Ourselves First" and "Happier Endings: We Are More Than Monogamy and Mothering." Though spirited and encouraging, the text suffers somewhat from repetition--e.g., "Here's what we can all do to reclaim ourselves and banish shame: start to tell our own truths" and "The cure is telling and claiming our stories." Petro's primary qualifications are her experiences, dogged curiosity, and commitment to spreading compassion and understanding about shame and its many ramifications in the lives of women. An earnest and sincere book fueled by a clear belief in sharing as a means of catharsis.
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